Catching Up With the Past
by ChrissasCorner
Summary: /SHORT/ Ever wonder what would have happened on the ship, if Killian had already been gone when Emma and Hook showed up? Time frame: Post S4a, with a flashback to S3 finale. Slight AU during the flashback.


Emma finally had that 'day off' she never thought would come. She stayed in bed a long time that morning. Just reveling in the comfort of a real bed. She heard Henry in the kitchen, but she wasn't worried. He knew how to manage breakfast.

Eventually she did get up, and stumbled into the shower. She took her time prettying herself up. She doesn't always have time for that anymore, but she wanted to be out around town today, and figured looking super good while doing it was an added bonus.

She was looking for her favorite lipstick, but it wasn't in the bathroom drawer with all the other make-up. She went to the nightstand in her bedroom to check there. What she found was not lipstick. Something more important than indoor plumbing and electricity was in the nightstand. Something she had completely forgotten about for well over a month. With it staring her straight in the face, she also realized under normal circumstances, abandoned birth control pills aren't a big deal if you aren't having sex. When you have had sex though, it might not be a good thing. And now that she is thinking hard about it, she hasn't had a cycle at all since the dalliance in time traveling.

The memory of what happened while stuck in the past came rushing back full force. Her heart racing, her breathing was fast and shallow.

_Oh god. Emma cannot deny this man what he's asking. She's confused because they are the same man, but not. Well, yes, he is still Killian. Just not the Killian she trusts but holds at arms length. Not the Killian she is resisting admitting to herself that she loves. Feelings are messy business, so Emma simply pretends she doesn't have them. That is why this Killian is safer, no strings attached. _

_The Killian she does have those messy feelings for is trying to get them both back to where they belong. She has to keep reminding herself, this is all to save her own life. If she can't get her parents back on the right course, she will blink out of existence. She is just enjoying all of the things she wants to do with her Killian, with the other Killian instead. _It's allowed_, she thinks to herself._

_There's a place inside her that is so drawn to him. When he looks into her eyes, she just can't resist him. When he asks her to join him on his ship for a nightcap, she knows what it means. She really wants to do it. Take that step. Her body has craved him for a long time. She doesn't have time to worry about the ramifications. This could be the last chance she will ever get to do _that_. The fact that it's one of the Killians, is just the cherry on top of the sundae. "I mean, he can't really complain, right? This is himself and he can't say it's cheating." This internal justification convinces her that, if nothing else, she just might be able to admit to him and everyone else, that she is in love with him. Everyone knows it anyway. They tease her about it often enough._

_When they get to the ship, one of the deckhands is there. He looks surprised to see us. "Captain, why does your vest keep changing?" He asked. _

_Emma had to distract him quickly, "I seem to remember nightcap was promised. Find one, and I'll be waiting." Then she went off, giggling, toward the Captain's Quarters._

"_Captain, somethings not right here," Smee said._

"_You're right, you're still here. I think you know what a nightcap means. It means we want our privacy." He started heading towards the aft hatch._

"_Of course." Smee looked ashamed, and turned away to leave the ship._

_The ship has a slight sway because of the tide, and she's a little unsteady. At least, she blames it on the sway of the water, because she can't possibly be this nervous of being with Killian. No not Killian, Hook. She has to keep them separate. It feels like her legs aren't willing hold her up anymore. Thankfully he wraps his arms around her, holding her up. _

"_My apologies, Love. A woman as lovely as yourself deserves my full and prompt attention," He purrs at her. _

_Just as she was about to panic, he kissed her. Her body responded, and her brain disengaged. She gave herself over to the desire she has been suppressing since the day they climbed that beanstalk. _

_Three hundred years of living taught him exactly how to pleasure a woman, and he did so numerous times. _

_Several hours had gone by, and she knew she needed to go find Killian, but she was so satisfied and still slightly weak. She was wide awake though, and he was completely passed out. _

_Emma did get up finally, and dressed quietly. Then sneaking off the ship to go rendezvous with Killian. She was so afraid of what he would say about the things she just did with Hook, that she decided to keep it a secret. At least for now, it wasn't going to be talked about. Maybe when they get home, but here, she couldn't take the chance he would walk out on her._

"_Oh shit, what have I done?" She says aloud. _

_Just then someone jumped out from behind some trees, and grabs her. She starts to scream, but he shushes her, and it comes out more like a strangled cat cry. _

"_Killian! You scared the hell out of me!" She whispers at him angrily._

"_Emma, I've been looking for you everywhere. What happened to you?"_

"_I was lost, I have never been in the Enchanted Forest before, and I didn't know where to go!" She doesn't even know where it came from, it was just there before she even thought of formulating a response to explain her long absence. "But, I'm so glad you finally found me! How did it go? With my mom."_

"_Fine, just fine. She went to Midas' castle to try to get the ring."_

"_I hate leaving things to chance."_

"_I feel exactly the same way," came that annoying voice of Rumplestiltskin. _

She went to sit down, but there was nothing behind her and she went all the way to the floor in a thump and just curled up into a ball.

Henry heard her hit the floor, and called out to her. "Mom? Are you alright?" Then upon entering her room and seeing her on the floor, he dropped down beside her, "MOM! What happened?" He had seen this happen to her before. A full blown panic attack. She had them from time to time, not real often. He knew she would survive, but she was turning a bit red in the face from the hyperventilation. He placed one hand on each cheek, and forced her to face him. Her eyes were squeezed shut tight, so he talked to her. The comfort his voice always gave her, along with knowing what to say and what not to say, was usually enough.

"Mom, it's going to be okay. I'm here with you. I will never leave you. There's nothing hurting us. It's just you and me, right? Mom, please, look at me. I love you."

She opened her eyes, and the panic started to subside. Her breathing began to slow, but the dizziness remained. "Henry," she choked. "Oh damn, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…," she cut herself off before saying too much. She needed to figure out what she was going to do, first.

"Don't worry, Mom. I'm right here. I promise. Do you want to sit up?"

"Yeah, kid. Thanks." Her heart had returned to normal as well, and the flushing in her cheeks was dissipating. She hugged Henry tight. "You and me, forever. Nothing will ever stop me from being your mom, you know that right?"

"'Course I do. What happened, why did you freak out?"

"Just… too many voices in my head sometimes. You know? Flashes of fake lives and real lives intersecting. I'm okay now, but I need to go see Dr Whale. Let's get you down to the shop, right?"

"I can make it on my own. You just go."

"We can go together, it's okay."

Knowing after an episode like that, she wasn't likely to relent, and also not wanting to upset her again, he agreed. They walked to the bug, and then she drove to the shop and dropped him off.

"Text me if you need me, or even if you don't, just so I don't worry," he called to her.

"Will do, kid."

* * *

><p>She asks to see Dr Whale alone. The nurse starts to object, but knowing what everyone knows about Sheriff Swan she gives up and leaves them alone. Dr Whale looks scared witless.<p>

She can't help but see the amusement of the situation. He thinks he's in trouble for something, and all she really wants to do is verify what she knows, and then figure out how to tell the people she loves. And she's actually very afraid of what they will think about her, and if Killian will be so upset that he will finally leave. She believes it's inevitable, anyway. People always leave.

"Doctor, can you do something for me on the super down-low?" She asks him.

He looks taken aback for a couple seconds, and then realizing he was afraid for nothing, "Um, sure, Sheriff, what is it you need?"

"A blood test. I need the results like five minutes ago. How long will it take?"

"What are we looking for? Is it your blood?"

"Yes, my blood, and you are looking for pregnancy. I expect you not to utter a word of this to a single person, Doctor, do you understand me?"

The fear returned instantly on his face, "Yes of course, no one. You want a blood test, and not a urine one? Urine is faster."

"Blood is more accurate."

"Both then? It will take the lab about half an hour probably. It's been pretty quiet around here today."

"I don't want the urine test. I need to know, but I don't want to know. I'm sorry, I'm probably not making much sense. Just please draw the blood and make up someone's name to put on the paperwork. No one can know about this."

"It seems as though you are scared, Sheriff. Does this mean the pirate friend of yours is going to be ripping off someone's limbs?"

She gave him a look that could kill tulips, and snarled, "If you are asking whether 'the pirate' is the father, the answer is obviously yes, but that is not the point, nor any of your business."

He looked very ashamed of himself, but recovered quickly, "Sorry, I was kidding, mostly. I should like sufficient time to prepare for a massacre, though right? I mean, if it was like that."

He drew the vial of blood, and even though she said she didn't want the urine test, he placed one in her hand and left the room. "I'll call you the instant I get the results."

"Thanks, Doctor." She gave him one last dirty look, and left the hospital.

When she got back in the bug, she stared at the unwrapped test in her hand. Tears ran down her cheeks, but the truth is, she wasn't afraid of having a baby after all. It was what she said to Whale that helped in the end. Killian _is_ still the father. He would never abandon his child, even if he gets super pissed at her.

Emma drives home, and goes immediately to the bathroom and uses the test that Whale gave her. Of course it's positive. She doesn't quite know how to tell Killian, though.

While she sat there, thinking, her phone rang. It was Dr Whale, again confirming the positive test. He offered her an ultrasound to determine the health of the baby and the date of conception. She scheduled it, but she already knew when she conceived. There was only that one night in the past two years.

"Time to face the music," she said to her self. She sent Henry a quick text to tell him she was going to be fine, and she would see him after dinner.

Then she called Killian. "Hello, love," he said when he picked up the phone.

"Hey, what are you doing right now?"

"Just sitting at the beach, watching the water. Why, what's going on?"

The way he said it so off-handedly, tugged at her heart. She knew he was missing the Jolly Roger, and she often thought it was because of her that he didn't have it anymore. She felt the guilt grip her, and for the second time today her heart rate began to rise, and her breathing quickened.

"Emma? Emma are you alright? What's going on? Emma, answer me!"

She couldn't. She dropped the phone and curled up into a ball again. It felt like someone had grabbed hold of her heart, like Cora once had, and instead of trying to rip it out, they just keep squeezing it. The pain is very real, and completely paralyzing. She's feeling dizzy, and so alone.

After a time, Emma's dad had burst into the apartment. He found her on the floor in front of the couch. Rushing over to her, he tried to comfort her. Having no idea what was happening to her, or how to deal with it, he had to at least try.

"Emma!" He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight to his chest. "Emma, I'm here. I've got you now. Settle down. You're fine now. Emma!"

She had started to push him away, and she was definitely panicking a lot more now. David was beside himself, completely unsure what to do.

Killian rushed in and Henry hot on his heels. Henry pushed the grown-ups out of the way and said, "Grandpa get me a glass of water, please!" Then to his mom, again placing his hands on her cheeks, "Mom, I'm here. We're going to be okay. You and me forever. Remember? Mom, please. What can I do?"

Emma melted into her son's gentle touch and soothing voice. "Henry… I don't know why… this keeps happening today. I need you… Just stay with me… for a few more minutes. Please." She grabbed him into a tight embrace.

"I'm here as long as you need me, Mom. You said you were going to be fine after you saw Dr Whale. This isn't fine. Does he know why this started happening?"

"Henry… I can't… I don't… "

Henry could see her struggling to form a sentence, "Shh, it's not important just now. Water?"

"Yes, thank you. Thanks, Dad. I know you tried." She let go of Henry to take the glass of water, and took a small sip.

"What is going on?" David wasn't sure if she was ready to talk, but he needed to ask anyway.

It was Henry who answered, "It was a panic attack. She used to get them a lot after the fire in Boston. I don't know what started them today, but this is the second one in a very short time."

It didn't escape Killian's attention that she hadn't made eye contact with him since he came in. He knew sometimes she just needed to deal with her issues in her own time. He stayed back, and allowed her to take the lead as always.

It seemed to just occur to Emma that Henry was here, and not at work anymore. Plus he was supposed to have dinner with Grandpa Gold and Belle. "Henry, why are you here? I thought you were working," Emma said.

"I was, but I saw Killian run past the shop, so I chased after him. If he is running full speed like that, it can only mean something happened to you, and after this morning's episode, I was worried."

Emma flushed, because she knows Killian loves her very much. He would die for her. She can't hurt him, and she is so afraid of how he will react when he finds out. Emma feels that squeeze around her heart again, and her breathing starts increasing again.

"Mom! Look at me. Breathe in… and out… We are going back to Dr Whale, right now."

"NO! Henry, no. It's okay. I'm okay. I need to get up off the floor. Killian can you help me?" Glad to assist her in any way, he had her in his arms instantaneously.

"Love, you can tell me. Tell me whatever it is, you cannot frighten me away. You cannot make me leave you. I promise, I am with you in whatever way you want me. Just please stop torturing yourself over it," he said to her while she was lost in the deep blue ocean that is his eyes.

"I know, and you're right. Can we go for a walk on the beach?" Then remembering the audience they had, she turned away from him and added, "Alone."

Henry hugged her, and went off back to work. David hugged her, too, and taking her face in his hands the way Henry had, he said, "Emma, I love you. Remember that." He kissed her forehead, and left.

* * *

><p>They walked along in the sand for awhile. It could have been an hour, or just a few minutes. Time held no meaning for Emma when she was with Killian. Killian knew Emma needed to open up in her own way, and any interference from him would have her racing away at the speed of a cheetah. He held her hand though, as they walked, letting her know that he was ready when she was.<p>

She stopped finally, and turned to him. Tears ran down her cheeks, as she began to tell him, "Killian, I have done something just awful. I am sure you won't be able to forgive me. I don't really regret it, though, because it was what made me admit to myself that I am in love with you." She paused, for a breath, and he stayed silent. She could tell he wanted to dwell on the declaration, but she had to get this over with.

"When we met, you looked at me like I was once literally something you dreamed. Later, in Neverland, when I kissed you, you touched your lips afterward like you felt some long repressed memory. After we made it back from the past, you said outside of Granny's that you didn't remember me. Your life went on like it always had. You really don't remember me from the bar that night thirty years ago?"

"I knew you when I saw you the first time in the Enchanted Forest, but I didn't remember from where. I just knew that I had found what I spent my life looking for, without knowing I was looking for anything. That kiss in Neverland, was like something I knew before. I couldn't think at the time. I was barely able to breathe. It was familiar, though. I don't remember specifically waking up at any point in time and knowing you were out there. Until I saw you, that first time. Why do you ask that?"

"I'm so afraid, Killian. I wanted you to remember me. Then I wouldn't be so worried right now."

"Afraid of what?"

"That you will leave me. I know you say you won't, but for my whole life people always leave. I can't help but fear that eventually, you will too."

"Emma, death is the only thing that could separate us. I promise, Love. I might get upset at times, I can't promise life won't have rocks in the roadway, but I will always be here for you. So come on, tell me what's bothering you, please."

"I'm pregnant." She hadn't wanted to say it yet, but it just came out. Now it was too late to take it back. She watched his face fall. She could almost hear his heart breaking. She had to do damage control. He was assuming she had been with someone else, and it was killing him slowly right before her eyes.

"Listen, Killian. It's you. I mean, it's yours. The baby. I swear."

He looks so completely lost at the words. He waits for an explanation, but it seems she's not going to go on. He finally asks, "How?" While the past few months play over and over in his mind. He's very sure they haven't done _that_. He wants to allow himself to hope, though.

She could see him grinding his mind to find a memory. A memory, he didn't retain, apparently. "Stop thinking, just listen. I will explain. There was a night, back in the past. I stayed at a bar and got the other you pretty drunk while You met with my mom. Remember?"

He did remember that night, but he still didn't think they had done the deed, ever. "Aye, go on."

He wasn't getting it. She was going to have to say the words. The thing she wanted to do least of all. She sighed. "The other you was so drunk, and wanted to go back to the ship. You… I mean he, even told me it was called the Rawly Jawjer, instead of the Jolly Roger." She smiled, remembering. "I was in love with you already. I just couldn't let myself hope. Like I said, everyone always leaves me. Except you. So I couldn't open my heart to the real you, do you understand? So with the other you, I didn't have to worry about you breaking my heart, but I could still have you. That night, I did. I wasn't ever lost in the Enchanted Forest. I was with you the whole time."

"Are you saying, when we fell into the Witch's time portal, you had relations with the me that was native to that time?"

Emma just nodded.

At that point, he didn't even know what to feel. Or say, for that matter. His heart was overflowing with so much emotion. He sat down in the dirt. She had finally admitted that she loved him. It was everything to him. He had no idea how to feel about the rest of what she just told him though.

"I don't understand how you could see him as me. I hate that man. And now I'm jealous of him. Why would you do that? Am I not enough for you?" He also had tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I don't hate him. I can't hate him. He is you, and I love every bit of you. Even the part of you that was revenge-driven. The part that drowns his emotions in a bottle of rum. And yes, the part that picked up hookers from a tavern." She couldn't resist smiling at the pun she made. "But Killian, the part I especially love," she kneeled right in front of him, and placed her hand on the center of his chest, "is right here. The part that can love deeper than anyone else I have ever met. And I'm in love with you. I would never be able to get over you, if you left me."

He looked into her eyes, and he didn't need her internal lie-detector to see she was telling him the truth. It didn't come as a surprise that she loved him, he knew she did. He also knew she was afraid of being left. But now that she was admitting it to him, he was so overwhelmed with his love for her, he thought his heart might burst. "Emma…," he breathed, reaching for her. "I never thought… I don't know what to say. I just didn't think I would ever have any of this. Now I have so much, and I am afraid, too. Will I ever be enough? What if _you_ leave me?'

"Killian, I spent my whole life shutting people out so I wouldn't get hurt again. When we climbed that beanstalk together, I was so attracted to you. You were flirting with me, and counted on me. You never talked down to me, or made me feel foolish. No one ever snuck around my walls like you did. That's why I was so afraid.

"When Zelena was threatening us, and you were hiding the curse she put on you, I was so hurt. So I was mean, and said terrible things because I trusted you, and then, I felt betrayed by you. You said you didn't know what to do after she had cursed you, so I thought if I get to be real nasty, maybe you will just do what everyone else always has and leave. I knew I wouldn't be able to leave you. I just didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to have the satisfaction of knowing that you had won my heart.

"These feelings I have for you, I have never experienced anything like this before." She lifted his chin, to make him look directly in her eyes. "_Ever._ Do you understand?"

"Emma… "

"We have an appointment tomorrow, with Dr Whale. We will get to see the baby. You will go with me."

"As you wish."

She loved it most when he said those three words to her. Now she just had to figure out how to tell everyone else. "Oh and, Killian?"

"Yes, Love?"

"Can we just not mention to my family that you had sex with me over 30 years ago, and I am just now pregnant?"

He snorted, but smiled. "Absolutely."


End file.
